I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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