plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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