My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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