Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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