But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
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