the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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