I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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