so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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