Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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