3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize