3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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