No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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