i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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