I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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