I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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