I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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