your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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