You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize