I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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