I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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