We won't sleep together?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize