Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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