how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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