I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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