i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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