chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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