walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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