There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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