ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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