I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize