i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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