Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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