Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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