not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize