wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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