I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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