they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize