Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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