peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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