I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize