I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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