Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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