smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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