But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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