He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
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No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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