3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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