dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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