tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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