thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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