You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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